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Obviously I am ok. I don’t mean a happy fit cheerful skipping on a summers afternoon type of ok but a “Anyone you can hobble away from” sort of ok. I hurt like hell all down my right side but there is nothing broken and the bruising will only get worse over the next few days I have been told. Some time off of work along with good rest will see me right over the next few weeks.

I got knocked off of my motorbike on a roundabout on the way home from work last night.

That’s as much as I can say about the actual crash as it’s all being dealt with by the insurance companies etc so I will start just after the sickening crunch of car into bike with me then heading towards the tarmac still attached to the motorbike, somehow having enough time to think “Jesus this is going to hurt”

And it did.

I hit the tarmac hard on my right side with the bike somehow instantaneously pinning my right leg from the hip down under it and began the road gravel shuffle in earnest for somewhere between 20 to 30 feet. Toward the end of the slide all of my body managed to flip onto the left side apart from my right foot that was still stuck under the bike but somehow facing in the opposite direction from the rest of me as we drew on up to a grinding halt.
Now that ankle really hurt and I somehow managed to reach down along my body and with one hand lift the whole bike upward freeing my foot completely. Realising that I could only be doing that running on complete adrenaline I stopped myself from moving any more because who knows what could be broken and the way my entire right side was shouting it literally could be just about anything.

The shock kicked in quicker and harder than I thought that it could and all of a sudden there was another biker parked up in front of me then peering into my visor asking “How you doing rider?”
“Oh you know, had better trips home”
“Don’t move mate the ambulance is on it’s way do you want me to call anyone for you?”
“Yea you had better ring Wifey her number is in my mobile under ICE”
(Listen up folks an ICE number stands for In Case of Emergency and is a pretty good thing to have stored in your phone)
“Where’s your mobile then?”
“Oh that’s in my right front pocket which means you will have to reach down my trousers for it but don’t be getting any ideas chap you are not my type”
“I prefer my lovers without beards mate so no worries there”
“Make sure you tell her not to worry and that I am alright. Just meet me at the hospital”

All through this conversation I am aware that the shakes are starting and I am feeling sick. The pain is really quite up there now but what can you do but wait on the Paramedics to arrive and hopefully sort you out.
They didn’t take long to turn up. Straight in they were and they were superb, calming caring and all whilst expertly assessing your situation, injuries along with the next course of action to take.
The Police were not far behind and again were spot on. I am getting old though because everyone looks so damned young!!
Still not to complain and I am not they were fantastic!
Time for the rest of the evening sort of went odd passing in fits and starts but I was scooped up off of the road complete with a full neck brace attached then popped into the ambulance where two young ladies proceeded to cut off my trousers!
No it’s not a start to a bad 70’s adult film (not that I know what those would be like of course) my outer bike trousers had to bite the dust for a more thorough check over of my limbs the immediate pain was coming from.

Happy there was nothing I was going to clock out of this mortal coil on I was whisked away to the Hospital and handed over to another pair of nurses to have a full assessment done.
At this point and for the next four or five hours I could only look up at the ceiling but a better view appeared as I was rolled into the hospital of Wifey peering over saying
“Hey honey what have you been doing now then?”
She was indeed a sight for sore eyes and I felt much more relived to have her there by my side.
This is where I said goodbye to the rest of my bike gear. I am so damned glad I spent a bit of extra cash and bought some half decent stuff because it did it’s job protecting my body as best it could when I hot the ground sliding.
The nurse apologised just before he started to cut the kit off and was a tad surprised when I said
“Don’t worry about it you are just doing your job”
“Most people moan when we do this, how come you are so calm?”
“The gear has done it’s job and now you are doing yours so no worries carry on!”

With a bit of a grin he set too with a little too much gusto hacking my coat off but I think it was just the fact he did not have to worry that relaxed him. I mean how can you actually cut off a coat nicely?

A consultant was soon in giving me a top to toe check deciding after lots of prodding poking and “Does this hurt” twisting in a “Will it hurt if I slap you in the face” way. It was decided that I needed a CT scan of several body parts an a few x-rays of more body parts.
Fair enough what needs to be done must be done but I was initially wheeled into another assessment area to wait for these to be done being informed they were really busy in the hospital today.

Wifey works for the same NHS Trust and knew that it had been a ridiculously busy weekend for the hospital with around 500 admissions!
After a short time a Nurse turned up with some welcomed drugs to numb the pain apologising that we had to wait to which we replied not to apologise we could see they were crazy busy and doing a great job coping with it all!

It was about now that I noticed I could really do with a wee. No problem it could wait.

After some time had passed I had some more clothing removed and bagged up which was promptly handed over to my poor long suffering Wife to add to the two bags of bits and a hacked up rucksack to carry! I was wheeled into the CT scanner room where several rather young and attractive women who all looked at me like I was their Dad transferred me onto the scanning machine bed after even more hacking of biker clothing zips that could be reached.
I was informed they would be injecting me with a dye so as to better see my insides with. This dye had a few side effects such as giving you hot flushes, a metallic taste in the mouth and making you feel like you have wet yourself.

Now I only thought it fair at this point to mention that I was quite a way past my holding my pee in point so the feeling like I had wet myself side effect could in fact make a real appearance and could the dye have that unfortunate influence?

I was informed it couldn’t and the scan went ahead. What a strange experience that was being slid forward and backward through a rather large doughnut with a built in light show for good measure.
That done I was manhandled (not in a fun way) back onto my trolley still looking at the ceiling tiles and wheeled back to the assessment area.

Things were starting to get a bit desperate now in the water holding department so I asked Wifey to let the staff know. Into a curtained cubicle on my trolley we went where I was handed a cardboard pee funnel jug thing and told to carry on when ready.

Now I looked at this jug thing thinking that will not hold all of what I need to pass here I have been holding it for hours! The Mrs grabbed a second one as back up just in case.
I need to point out here that I have never in our seventeen years together ever peed in front of my Wife. It’s just not something we do and certainly not in bed!

Have you ever tried to pee lying down…in bed….on purpose…into what constitutes a cardboard bottle? No? Me neither it was indeed a new experience that does not need to be repeated ever again especially after trying to get on with it with kidney near to exploding along with my back teeth floating only to get stage fright for a few minutes to boot!

With that embarrassment over and the warm bottle handed over it was time to head off to have the x-rays.
How anyone can complain about our NHS is beyond me the service I got was fantastic and the care even better. I was given some more painkillers whilst the results were being sent back to the consultant who was in soon enough to remove the neck brace and to inform me that nothing was broken.

Good news indeed!

He did inform me though that he was writing a prescription for some pretty good painkillers because if I thought I was hurting now the pain would be much much worse over the next few days as all of the severe bruising etc would develop rather nicely from the impact of the accident.
He was not wrong there let me tell you!
He did say all of this with a grin on his face but in all fairness we had been having the odd joke or two as the evening was going along.

I was then sent a nurse to help me get up off of my back in stages along with a quick walking/limping lesson to get me moving very very slowly again.

As I said at the start anyone you can walk away from with no broken bones or worse is a good one. I don’t bear the other driver any malice I mean what’s the point accidents happen. (Just keep an eye out for bikers folks)

And once again I want to say thank you to our emergency services along with all of the hospital staff who were fantastic from the beginning to the end. Where else can you get all of that hard work put into checking your health and making sure you are not going to suffer for no apparent reason and normally make a start on getting you better all in the space of 5 or 6 hours?
These folks do an incredible job and we should all be thankful for those that willingly put themselves through the stress of such roles all for the benefit of strangers they do not know on a daily basis.
Thank you folks you were superb…

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