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There was a tale of a man who bought an old Discovery, it was Grey in colour and it was a happy little truck that just plodded on needing no major work at times it did need the odd fettle here and there but all of the little bits that needed changing just came off of the truck like they were nice and new ready for the healthy parts to be put back on.
The man and the truck loved driving around the the perpetual sunshine having adventures smiling as they did so…

Wouldn’t that be a great thing eh but as any Land Rover owner knows a complete fantasy. Brian’s new name is Brian the Bastard because he really is, I have never known a car that fights back as hard as he does on anything that has to be done to him. Last weeks adventures consisted of changing the track rod ends which would be an easy task of course but they were all rusted solid and in the end I did manage to change over the front steering bar ends but the back bar would not give them up for love nor money! In fact I smacked that damned bar soo hard that it ended up twisting around on itself so I had to buy a new one and seeing as I was buying new I decided to upgrade to heavy duty bars. When I went to Paddocks after calling them to check they had them in stock I set off into Derbyshire to collect them only to be told when I got there that the 40 odd pairs of Heavy Duty bars they had in stock did not have any locking nuts with them so with a heavy heart I bought another standard rear arm instead.
In all fairness it did not take long to then refit the bars and track rod ends and Brian took them on with no moaning at all so after a three day fight he was ready for a test drive. A quick blast up and down the ring road showed me that my turn count was a bit crap and that Brian was pulling to the left like a drunken dwarf on a stag night that has had a mild stroke so off to get him tracked up I went.
£40 later Brian drove straight and true once again and seeing as I had replaced the steering damper as well it was a new driving experience in him unlike the normal constant steering correcting that had to be done in him!…

OK so I was now pretty much convinced that I had done all I could to get Brian ready for his MOT and seeing as I only had one weekday off before this was due I took him early this morning for this annual torture. All was going well to start until the emissions test came up which Brian failed pretty damned miserably. Then there was the rookie mistake I had made after fitting the rear ball joint and forgetting to put the split pin through the damned bolt but that was no biggy. The biggest problem was when the tester noticed noticed the rear brake pipe was out of it’s holding clip on the rear axle and when he moved it to pop it into place (whilst I was watching I hasten to add) it split cleanly and started to pour, and I mean pour, the brake fluid out. On closer inspection it looked like someone/thing had cut into the pipe so who the hell have I upset there then? I am just hoping I have caught the pipe when off roading rather than someone having it in for me!
So now I cannot drive the bloody thing home and I have no way of getting it back once it was fixed before the MOT runs out because the garage I use is not open on weekends so a price was haggled and agreed with the garage to fix it during the week and Wifey will have to collect it and drive Brian on the road for the first time.
I have to admit that I did consider throwing the towel in with Brian just for a few minutes and going to buy myself something a bit more sensible but hopefully with these last hurdles jumped Brian will give me some nice reliable driving for the winter to come…

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