Posted on

I don’t do pool holidays so lets get that straight from the start. I don’t like sitting around them or lying on a beach all day I mean whats the point in wasting that time getting a tan so that you can go home and have everyone tell you how “brown” you look. If you want to look brown don’t wash for a week.

So this year the wife told our adoring children they could have what ever holiday they wanted and they came up with an all inclusive week in Benidorm. My heart sank but seeing as our kids are now growing up this was to be our last summer holiday together so I just grinned through gritted teeth and said “sounds nice”

I have to admit I was as full of holiday spirit as everyone else as we set off because I really needed a break too. The anticipation as we were waiting for our flight out was tangible and we had the traditional meal in the departure lounge the price of which would have feed a family of four for a week but no matter as we were off on our hols!

The flight over was fine apart from some Dotors family who didn’t check in online until that morning and were moaning that they were spread out over the plane and had to be reseated to sit next to their kids.

We arrived at Alicante airport and waited 40 minutes for our luggage then onto the coach which was nice and cool with free WI-FI so smiles all around. When we started to drive into Benidorm though my heart sank. Do you remember those Carry On films? If so do you recall the one were they went on holiday to Spain? If you do that’s what the whole of Benidorm looks like! I thought we were driving onto the film set.

Still our apartment looked nice and as we got off of our coach the holiday rep got on and waved in the general direction of reception telling us to check in over there….

The apartments were small but clean so all good and the food was fine until we got a mild dose of food poisoning on our last night.

That first evening was spent having a couple of drinks and a walk along the beach front.

This was pleasant enough and I thought oh well the kids are happy it might be alright. Then we got back to our apartment where 3 different hotels around us were holding what turned out to be a nightly barrage of noisy music and very very poor musical acts. Closing the doors made no difference so you had the pleasure of listening to the triple concoction until 1am…every bloody evening whether you liked it or not.

On this sort of holiday you seem you seem to have three options. Get pissed by the pool, get pissed on the beach or just get pissed. I mean there is sod all around there. In the space of one morning we managed to walk around to anything of note in this holiday city including the “Old town” the bull ring and there version of central park. There was a market one day which sold all manner of crap that you wouldn’t want to buy and I spent the whole of that time growling at any number of the greasy market traders that were letching at my teenage daughters trying to temp them over to their wares…

Then there were other peoples kids around the pool. Now I know you have to be patient about other folks kids because kids should be allowed to be kids. I don’t like them at all in fact I don’t even like my kids that much but there is no need for the little shits to be running riot screaming and shouting constantly. There was one little girl about three or four years old in the pool who shouted to her Mum “I need a wee” to which the Mum replied “Just do it in the pool” I mean these poor little buggers don’t don’t stand a chance do they.

Thankfully they closed the pool at 8pm.

Now even by day 4 my wife had had enough which surprised me and by day 5 my youngest was ready to throw in the towel! The middle daughter was by then pining in her room over some boy left behind in fact only my eldest seemed to be enjoying herself which is amazing as she is the most miserable toerag you aver met when she is back home!

Look I know I am knocking the place and I know we are lucky enough to be in a position to be able to afford to go away but please unless you want to go away and get wasted constantly which is all you want to do when you are young or on a stag/hen do don’t go to Benidorm. Use your hard earned money by booking somewhere else that at least you may have something of interest to do other than sitting around a pool all day unless that is of course all you like to do.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *