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As part of my newly arrived midlife crisis I have started to go swimming again because in my head this will stave off all of the effects of aging and make me have a young and attractive body and of course make me super cool.

In reality I ache in all of my joints, still look like I’m forty and my back feels like all f the suspension has been taken out of it but it’s good cardio and seeing as I sit on my arse in a truck for most of the day I do need to do it.

Now I like to g to the “Sedate swim” session because it’s kid free and those noisy little buggers are enough to drive anyone mad screaming shouting and jumping in and out of the water and the “sedate” swimmers are all mostly in their 70’s so none of that noisy nonsense is apparent.

After doing a large number of laps of the pool (three) I had to stop for a breather and I head the funniest conversation from these two elderly ladies. It turns out they have both had their hair done BEFORE coming swimming so were in fact keeping their heads above water whenever they were swimming along which lets face it is no mean feat for anyone let alone two oap’s. No their gripe was with a gentleman of indeterminate age, but must be somewhere between 70 and 110 years old, who likes to do his leangths of the pool with some gusto!

This chap is determined to live for ever because he swims quicker than most 10 year olds and does lap after lap after lap in a non stop motion. This chap makes me tired just watching him. Well he had committed the grave offence of getting a single tiny splash of water on one of their new blue rinses, now why do elderly women think a blue rinse looks good? Do you just wake up one day and think I know what would make me look superb, a blue rinse! And when that aqua tint has coloured your head does it have some magical effect on the eyes? DO they see the same coulour as we do? Anyway they had the poor old bugger in their sights and were locked on with guns ready to fire! They were going to put a complaint in against hime to the person at the reception counter!!

At this point I let out a snorting laughy chuckle, I just couldn’t help myself, and they turned their sights onto me asking “Is something funny?” I replied “yes” there is maybe just maybe next time it may be a good idea to book your hair appointment after your swimming session? and swam off.

So I expect I am now in their sights and there will be a complaint form against me already!

To top it off on the drive home I saw the best advert ever. In big neon letters above a Pharmacy there was on one of those electronic signs you can programme to say anything…

“DISCREET ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION SERVICE AVAILABLE HERE”

Well if the service is as discreet as the sign folk must be flocking in for help!

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