I know what dreams are for, your subconscious mind likes to process the days events whilst you are sleeping and this can filter through creating the themes of your dreams so where this dream came from on Sunday night I do not know.
Maybe I am worrying or just aware at the back of my mind that I have had 40 good years so far in this life and that I am, contrary to my younger belief, not immortal. Or maybe I am starting a mid life crisis, where are my tartan trousers, or maybe just maybe I am just a little bit crazy.
Whatever the reasons I wont dwell upon them because the dream itself was unsettling enough. It takes a lot to unsettle me let alone have that feeling linger long after a dream is over but still here I sit with just that situation.
I was really happy in my dream to start off with. I was with my wife of 15 years and we had just arrived on the family holiday we have been planning for the best part of a year. Wifey was doing her usual routine of unpacking all of the clothes into drawers and making sure the appropriate clothing was hung in the wardrobe. I was really pleased to be there having some time off of work and just relaxing with my wife and kids but…where were the kids?
Now when I say kids my tribe are getting older now as we started to have them young and our youngest would be 14 years old when we take this trip.
Im now concerned with that worry feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when somethings not right with your kids but wifey said “Oh they didn’t want to come”. Im a bit miffed at that but hey ho it will be just the two of us which could be a lot of fun in itself! Then I notice wifey hasn’t unpacked any clothing for me in fact she hasn’t packed any clothing for me! (Im not a male chauvinist pig here I always get told to leave the room when I try to help pack) and now I have an awful feeling that something isn’t right.
I notice I cannot see myself in the mirror across the room and a terrifying realisation hits me and I tentiviley ask “Am I dead?”
Wifey just hangs her head and sadly tells me
“Yes hun you are. You died of a massive heart attack in my arms back in May but you haven’t moved on yet.”
“But you can see me and hear me how can I be gone?”
“You haven’t moved on hun and it’s only me that can see you, that’s why the kids are not here on holiday because I had to wait for you to realise you are dead and it would have been worse for you with the kids around”
“Oh, I love you so very very much you know that don’t you”
I then awoke with a start sat bolt upright in my bed and managed to start breathing again. I know just reading it most of you will think well that’s not so bad but it was probably the most real feeling dream I have ever had! I don’t think I have ever realised my mortality as much as I had when I first awoke from that dream.
It wasn’t even a nightmare as it didn’t scare me all the way through but it was more of a realisation of what I have in my life. I am loved by a beautiful woman who for some crazy reason thought I was good enough to spend her time with and I have four great kids that do have their moments when I could strangle them but for the most part are finding their way through life.
So I think it was a bit of a wake up call. I have been feeling a little sorry for myself lately in a selfish “I want” manner but the thing is I already “Have got” apart from an area I want to live (Derbyshire it’s bloody beautiful up there!) which will be a reality in a couple more years. Its a get of your arse, stop living through planning and get out there and do it and quite frankly that’s about bang on right.